Chivalry’s mortal enemy: Toxic masculinity.

George Yancy at the New York Times confesses his sin:

I am a failed and broken feminist. More pointedly, I am sexist. There are times when I fear for the “loss” of my own “entitlement” as a male.

Chief among his sins was his failure to give his wife sovereignty:

For example, before I got married, I insisted that my wife take my last name. After all, she was to become my wife. So, why not take my name, and become part of me? She refused. She wanted to keep her own last name, arguing that a woman taking her husband’s name was a patriarchal practice. I was not happy…

…I dropped the ball. That day I learned something about me. I didn’t respect her autonomy, her legal standing and personhood. As pathetic as this may sound, I saw her as my property, to be defined by my name and according to my legal standing. (She kept her name.) While this was not sexual assault, my insistence was a violation of her independence. I had inherited a subtle, yet still violent, form of toxic masculinity.

To repent of his sin, he now realizes that he needs to put himself in service of women, seeking out every opportunity to be their champion:

[My toxic masculinity] still raises its ugly head — I should be thanked when I clean the house, cook, sacrifice my time. These are deep and troubling expectations that are shaped by male privilege, male power and toxic masculinity.

If you are a woman reading this, I have failed you. Through my silence and an uninterrogated collective misogyny, I have failed you.

Yancy mistakenly believes the virtuous way of life he extols is feminism, but what he describes as feminism is really chivalry.  If he were a chivalrous man, he would have known to give his wife sovereignty from stories like The Wedding of Sir Gawain, and he would have likewise known it was his obligation to be women’s champion.

It is not merely Yancy who is mistaken however.  Chivalrous men erroneously believe that their chivalry is the natural antidote to Yancy’s feminism.  Neither side realizes they are on the same team, with the same values and goals.

H/T Instapundit