Say what you will about the Los Angeles Lakers, thereâs no denying that theyâre one of the great American sports franchises, with a storied past and a long tradition of winning. Many of the greatest players in the history of professional basketball have donned the Laker purple and gold, and its 16 titles is only one short of their hated rivalsâthe Boston Celticsâfor most in NBA history. Since the 1960s, the Lakers have been a perennial presence in the playoffs, with each succeeding âdynastyâ adding its own set of trophies to the pile.
The franchiseâs list of accomplishments, hall-of-fame rosters, and legendary coaches is too long to do justice to in a single post. Even their longtime announcer, the late, great Chick Hearn, is universally regarded as the greatest announcer in basketballâif not sportsâhistory, coining the very lexicon of the sport, from âslam dunkâ to âalley-oopâ to âair ball.â He was so good at calling games, real-time, that it was often said there wasnât much difference between watching the game on television and just listening to it on the radio.
Much of this success came during the era of Dr. Jerry Bussâa successful real-estate investor who bought the team in the 1970s. Buss was a fanâs owner. While day-to-day operations belonged to his General Manager (the iconic Jerry West for much of that time and, after 2000, Westâs adept protégé Mitch Kupchak), Buss was known to be an active owner who got involved in major roster decisions. And he put his money where his high expectations were. The team not only drafted and refined young talent, it repeatedly lured high-profile free agents to Tinseltown with record-breaking contracts.
But, beyond paying out the requisite paychecks, the team never had to resort to elaborate stunts or begging to entice top-shelf talent. The winning tradition, the ready-to-win rosters, and the many lures of sunny Southern California were more than enough.
Things have changed. Up to the end of his life at the beginning of 2013, Jerry Buss had incrementally ceded control of the family business to his son, the decidedly less capable (and reportedly more mercurial) Jim Buss. During this era, the Lakers had reassembled an impressive team around Kobe Bryant and Pau Gasol, with whom they had won two more championships. Shaquille OâNeal had, famously, departed after a tumultuous relationship and power struggle with Bryant in 2004. (Itâs also considered likely that OâNeal was traded for shouting âPay me!â to Jerry Buss, who was sitting in the stands, during an exhibition gameâin a crass reference to their on-going contract negotiations.)
Last season, the Lakers offered up a supremely lackluster performanceâbarely making the playoffs and being swept in the first roundâdespite the additions of superstars Dwight Howard and Steve Nash to their already talented squad.
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Dwight Howard, who was traded to Los Angeles from the Orlando Magic (a trade he requested), was eligible for free agency after his season. The Lakers had surrendered a top-notch prospect for Howard, and knew the risks of only having Howard locked down for a year going in. After a disappointing yearâone in which Howard was publicly taken to task by Kobe Bryant and Laker fans for his disappointing individual performanceâhe announced that would entertain free-agent offers from several other franchises. Howard’s multi-city tour started this week. Needless to say, the Lakers, who would stand to get nothing for him if he were to leave, are highly motivated to do whatever’s necessary to keep him. This is especially the case since last season was tainted by a series of injuries (including Howard’s) and a major coaching changeâdevelopments that prevented the team from performing to its full potential.
Youâd think the team would have confined its overtures to Howard to the sorts of closed-door negotiations and personnel reconfigurations that have taken place behind the scenes for decades. Blue-chip players have options and, whatever your teamâs merits may be, other teams have offerings as well–so some give-and-take is to be expected. But, instead of that time-honored tradition, the Jim Buss-Era Lakers have resorted to good old-fashioned supplication. In a (very public) public-relations blitz, which includes a series of self-abasing billboards around Los Angeles, the Lakers have decided to flatly beg Howard to remain in Los Angeles. Reminiscent of the 90s hit by proto-hipster Lisa Loeb by the same title, the billboards plainly implore Howard to âstay.â
What’s more, the Lakers have recruited other players in their supplication campaign. Kobe Bryant will reportedly attend the âpitch meetingâ with Howard (the Lakers have been granted the privilege of presenting to Howard last), where some are speculating he will bring one of his championship rings for a tantalizing show-and-tell. Steve Nashâa shoo-in for the Hall of Fameâcondescended himself, and his own career accomplishments, to tweet this:
I always tell guys that âlife is game and game is life.â In other words, the basic principles of game apply not just to picking up girls, but to everythingâfrom dealing with your boss in your shitty office job to running a billion-dollar basketball team. Begging a girl to stay, as all of us know, is a sure-fire way to make her do the exact opposite.
And, like a heart-broken chump standing at a girlâs doorstep with a wilting bouquet of flowers in the rain–while sheâs inside fielding offers from other guys– the Lakers are likely to meet the same, predictable fate.
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