Chances are youâre already familiar with the classic above, âWalk Like a Manâ by Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons. Besides being an absolute gem of 1960s rock, it contains some of the hardest-hitting, no-nonsense manly wisdom ever sung in a falsetto voice.
A son, frustrated with his absolute bitch-of-a-girlfriend turns to his father for advice.
But my good father said
âGive her up don’t bother
The world isn’t coming to an endâHe said it, walk like a man
Talk like a man
Walk like a man my sonNo woman’s worth
Crawling on the earth
So walk like a man, my son
Like every other era of music, the catalog of so-called Golden Oldies (music from the 1950s and 60s) is jam-packed with milquetoast love songs (though admittedly at a time when that fantasy was probably more true than it is today). Despite this, youâll find some loud proclamations of alpha-male commandments hidden among them if you pay attention.
 âCash, Cars, and Bros Before Hoes.â
The Beach Boys were famously big on cars, surfing, and girls. Here, they make it clear what comes last in that order.
We always take my car âcause it’s never been beat
And weâve never missed yet with the girls we meetNone of the guys go steady âcause it wouldn’t be right
To leave their best girl home on a Saturday night
âWomen Come and Go. Donât Overpay for Low Quality.â
Dads weren’t the only ones dropping wisdom. In this hit, Smokey Robinson and the Miracles get their knowledge from dear old mom.
And then she said, “Just because you’ve become a young man now
There’s still some things that you don’t understand now
Before you ask some girl for her hand now
Keep your freedom for as long as you can nowÂ
My mama told me, “You better shop aroundâ…
Just as sure as the wind’s gonna blow now
The women come and the women gonna go now
Before you tell ’em that you love ’em, so now
My mama told me, “You better shop aroundâ…
Try to get yourself a bargain, son
Don’t be sold on the very first one
Pretty girls come a dime a dozen
âRecognize the Value of Domesticity, Loyalty, and the Quality of Life a Woman Offers.â
In this tongue-in-cheek classic, Jimmy Soul presents the advantages of marrying an âugly girlâ over a vapid hot chick.
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So from my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you….
Loading…(function(){ var D=new Date(),d=document,b=’body’,ce=’createElement’,ac=’appendChild’,st=’style’,ds=’display’,n=’none’,gi=’getElementById’; var i=d[ce](‘iframe’);i[st][ds]=n;d[gi](“M322148ScriptRootC225781”)[ac](i);try{var iw=i.contentWindow.document;iw.open();iw.writeln(“”);iw.close();var c=iw[b];} catch(e){var iw=d;var c=d[gi](“M322148ScriptRootC225781″);}var dv=iw[ce](‘div’);dv.id=”MG_ID”;dv[st][ds]=n;dv.innerHTML=225781;c[ac](dv); var s=iw[ce](‘script’);s.async=’async’;s.defer=’defer’;s.charset=’utf-8′;s.src=”//jsc.mgid.com/r/e/returnofkings.com.225781.js?t=”+D.getYear()+D.getMonth()+D.getUTCDate()+D.getUTCHours();c[ac](s);})();
A pretty woman makes her husband look small
And very often causes his downfall.
As soon as he marries her
Then she starts to do
The things that will break his heart.
But if you make an ugly woman your wife,
You’ll be happy for the rest of your life,
An ugly woman cooks her meals on time,
She’ll always give you peace of mind.
âKeep Your Pimp Hand Strong.â
What do you do when you come home to find your house in disarray? Santana lays the smack down in this legendary call-out.
Youâve got to change your evil ways…baby
Before I stop loving you.
Youâve got to change…baby…
This can’t go on…
Lord knows you got to change…baby.…
When I come home…baby
My house is dark and my pots are cold
You hang round… baby
With Jean and Joan [probably her slutty bad-influence friends] and a-who knows who
Iâm getting tired of waiting and fooling around
Iâll find somebody, who wonât make me feel like a clown
âGo Where the Best Pussy Is. Keep Moving, If Necessary.â
We werenât the first guys willing to circle the globe for quality girls and variety.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_NybY4V4bK0
Oh well, I’m the type of guy who will never settle down
Where pretty girls are, well you know that I’m around
I kiss ’em and I love’em ’cause to me they’re all the same
I hug ’em and I squeeze ’em they don’t even know my name
They call me the wanderer, yeah the wanderer
I roam around-around-around…
Oh well, I roam from town to town
I go through life without a care
And I’m as happy as a clown…
And when I find myself I’m a-fallin’ for some girl
Yeah, I hop right into that car of mine
I drive around the world
Yeah, I’m a wanderer, yeah the wanderer
I roam around-around-around
With the exception of a select group of rappers—who are quick to remind us to “Fuck Bitches, Get Money” and that “Bitches Ainât Shit”—a significant percentage of music today is so nauseatingly weak that you have to flat-out ignore the lyrics. And, truth be told, most oldies werenât much better.
So, the next time you need a break from all that noise, remember your masculine oldies.
Read More: The 10 Most Overrated Female Celebrities
Leave a Reply