Juicing Will Kill You

In fact, everything will kill you – so you shouldn’t try anything new ever. You also shouldn’t be doing the things you’re doing now or the things you used to do. That’ll definitely super kill you.

Isn’t the internet great? No matter what topic you choose to research, there’s an Ivy PhD or MD out there touting the benefits while other equally credentialed specialists condemn it. Toss in the wacky comments section, and it’s nearly impossible to make an educated decision on anything anymore.

I’m not a juicing expert. In fact, I have only been juicing for a little over a month. I first became aware of juicing about six years ago when my parents started doing it, but I never really considered it as a topic worth researching until I started reading Juicing for Men. To my parents, juicing is about fresh orange juice and some miracle cure-all concoctions to make them take fewer piss breaks during the night.  They swear it works, so good for them.

I’m not going to share my recipes or regimen with you, because I’m still perfecting it. All I’ll offer is that I use juicing as a meal replacement 6 days per week, and on the 7th, I juice all day so that the organic produce I spent an arm and a leg for doesn’t spoil. So far, I have experienced two benefits from juicing:

1. I have lost an average of 1.7 lbs per week since I started. I don’t have much to lose, so these are the traditionally “stubborn” pounds people say are hard to drop. At this rate, I’ll be at my ideal weight in three weeks. Note: my other meals are healthy and well-balanced just as they’ve been for years. Dinner was usually my “bad” or “unhealthy” meal, so that’s the one I swapped out for juice.

2. I have a stressful job, and I have been taking an hour nap every day after work. After a week of juicing (including the one day juice fast) that ended. I haven’t felt the need to “rest my eyes” after work since. It’s not like I’ve gained a ton of energy, but I’m definitely less lethargic after the work day and the difference is noticeable.

But I’ll leave the pro-juicing advice and the perceived benefits thereof to the people I trust to give solid advice. So make sure you check out Juicing for Men if the topic interests you. But before you hop over there and read, I want to point out a few things that bugged the living piss out of me while I was researching the pros and cons of juicing.

A nutritionist is not a Registered Dietitian. Anyone can call themselves a nutritionist. If I so choose, I can legally represent myself as the Chief Nutritionist at Return of Kings and even write books or articles – regardless of my education or lack thereof. A registered dietitian (RD) has been specifically trained, is allowed to conduct nutrition research, and is subject to the ADA. They must meet strict prerequisites and pass a national exam in order to achieve and maintain their credential.

Most of the zany pro or anti-juicing advice you’ll find out there comes from nutritionists, though many RDs have some unkind things to say about the practice as well. Here’s the three major cons of juicing that surface the most from credentialed RDs:

1. What about the fiber?! Yes, it’s true. When you juice, you’re throwing away a ton of beneficial fiber. So if you happen to be one of those guys who comes home from work every day and feasts on six carrots, a pound of spinach, three stalks of kale, two tomatoes, beets, and a bushel-full of other greens, you might want to stick with that. However, if consuming half of a produce aisle is not a daily part of your diet, you might be better served with firing up the juicer.

2. Death! Microbes! Black Plague! Orrrrganisms! Ok, I can see that. So if you’re a complete retard whose juicing practices include using a filthy juicer and letting your juice bake in the sun at room temperature by the window for two hours before consuming it, you might want to just stick with fresh foods.

3. Don’t come crying to me when you’re dead! If you suffer from Nephropathy as a result of advanced diabetes, consuming a sugar cocktail of 4 oranges and 3 apples three times a day may lead you to a premature dirt nap. Of course, this goes for a wide variety of chronic conditions, so always consult your medical provider before trying any new diet. That doesn’t mean juicing is bad – it means bad juicing is bad.

That’s it for me on the subject, so again, I’ll defer to the experts from here on out. But I did want to share the benefits I’ve experienced and shed some light on the most commonly touted cons of juicing from my research. The purpose of this post was primarily to raise awareness of juicing and encourage you to do your own fact-finding.

Note: I am not suggesting that my juice blend helps me lose weight. But it does provide a nutritionally rich meal replacement that’s far better than skipping a meal or using mass-produced chemical-laden alternatives such as Slim Fast shakes. Calories in vs. calories out has always been and shall always be the deal. Eat right and exercise – that’s the key whether you juice or not. In addition, my extra energy may simply be from cutting out a shitty greasy dinner after I get home, and not the juice itself. But either way, I find juicing to be a tremendous asset as I strive to achieve, maintain, and sustain optimal health.

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